long-distance TLC

It’s 1 am and I’m watching my mom on the iSight, trying to sleep off her pain. A little over an hour ago, I called her as I climbed in to bed – hoping to finally catch up, get an update from her trip. I figured she’s been tired and we would just chat on the phone for now. But immediately her voice betrayed her suffering. She told me she’s had the web cam on, hoping I’d show up. So of course I immediately got my laptop and turned it on.

I don’t think she’s been so weak and in so much pain since maybe she was in the hospital. Or maybe it seems worse because I hadn’t seen her in a while and had been hoping (despite some hints from my father) that she’s doing pretty well. Basically, between the cancer and her meds, her digestive system is completely awry, and has now really put pressure on her intestines again, so she’s not only in tremendous pain, she can hardly eat or even drink water. Add to that the fact that she’s at risk of developing hydronephrosis. It’s all “normal” and yet of course not normal at all. She’s supposed to go to the hospital tomorrow for another chemo session and to consult with her doctor, Dr. Hayashi, so figured maybe she could just hang on till then. But he’s repeatedly advised against “hanging on,” and encouraged us to call him or the nurse practitioners with any concerns, so I immediately said she should try and talk to or see him.

Unfortunately, it’s the one day of the week that my dad is teaching all day – otherwise he would have been back by now, and possibly throwing my mom in the car and taking her to the doctor. (He will probably get mad at us both later for not calling him, but of course I would have if it seemed the only (or best) option.) At any rate, I managed to convince my mom to take just another dose of meds, and call the hospital while I stayed online. Which she did – and though Dr. Hayashi is just returning from a trip to the States today, and hence hard to get a hold of, the care center found her nurse practitioner and arranged for her to make a house call this afternoon. Meanwhile, she lay down on the couch, and is now fast asleep. (Oh: spoke too soon. She just leapt off the couch, because a family friend is supposed to stop by at 2:30.)

It kills me at times like this I’m not there myself, even just to stroke her hair. I’m just so so so glad that she got online and that we could make it work, and I could watch while she dozed off. It’s the second late night in a row for me (explanatory post will follow), but definitely worth it. I wish she’d let me hang out all day, and be there for the house call – maybe I can wake up again in an hour and a half?? That’s one sleep cycle, right?

Poor Mark tried to stay up with me but drifted off to sleep, despite the bedside lamp being on and my occasional burst of Japanese (I’m wearing headphones so he didn’t hear the noises and voice from Tokyo). So did my mom, again, until her friend arrived at 3p.

So it’s now after 2am here. The nurse practitioner will be there in less than an hour, so tempted to stay up – but won’t. Hopefully I can actually get to sleep.

tokyo dispatch

When I started this blog, I never thought it would be so hard to begin writing about my parents. (Maybe it's knowing that they'll be reading this too? (Hi there!)) But, much of the impetus was to share information about how they're doing, so I'll just have to bite the bullet. Here goes...

First, a little background information that you may or may not know. My mother was first diagnosed with cancer in 1999. I remember that April, she and my dad were visiting me in Los Angeles, and she almost casually complained of severe stomach pains that kept her up at night. Apparently this had been going on for months, and finally it got to the point where she went to the hospital for a full check-up at the Tokyo Women's Medical University where she was teaching English to medical students. The day of my graduation from USC film school, she was diagnosed with stomach cancer. A week later, she had major surgery -- and stayed in remission for seven years.

Then, about a year and a half ago, she started having problems again. But it had been so long since her first diagnosis, and various tests showed no indication of cancer -- so frankly, we never imaginged it was back. But it was. Is. Our doctors believe it's the same strain of stomach cancer, except now metastasized -- primarily in her peritoneum, or the lining of the abdominal cavity.

She had surgery again last August, and has been on a chemotherapy regimen since then. Aside from the cancer itself, the primary issue is pain control. She suffers from various types of pain, especially after eating; luckily, just a small dosage of medication will alleviate it, but not only does she hate taking pills, they often make her very very tired and unfocused. Lately, she's been trying a new painkiller patch that she just swaps out every three days, and I think she likes it better than oxycontin, which she was taking earlier. But the patch still makes her very drowsy.

Still -- she's often out and about. She teaches part-time every Monday through July; she sings every Sunday morning with a choir (they're preparing for a concert in August); the last two weekends, she's been on trips to the mountain (with her watercolor painting group) and the sea (with her French cooking class). I hardly ever get to see her!*

My dad, meanwhile, has been holding the fort at home, when he's not at school teaching English. Of course, he's worried sick about my mom, and her attempts to convince him to stop worrying have not gone far (particularly as he is the sensitive type). They love each other so much...

I think this is about all I can write right now. But now that the groundwork is there, hopefully I'll be able to post updates more easily.

*By "see," I mean on iSight -- a web cam. A couple of Christmases ago, Mark had the brilliant idea of getting them a camera, so now we have international video conferences on a regular basis. The picture above is from a chat last October. The other picture is a water color painting of kumquats that my mom did.

and the winner is...

...we got a simple reply: "That's alright. You can stay until the end of February 08."

Mark replied: "Ok, thanks."

After all that angst... now I wish we'd sent the damn letter a long time ago! But then again, who knows how her state of mind at any point would affect her answer.

So at least for now, there is no rush to find a new home (or city!) this summer. And I'll have plenty of time (I think?) to start paring down our possessions for a move. The downside, of course, is that we could have used the savings -- especially with the business and IVF coming up, not to mention the unnerving layoffs starting to happen at both our companies.

One thing's for sure: story's far from over.

pic is of an iris in "our" front yard.